Uncovering the Physicist
by geradsredskittle666
Summary: McKay recieves news of his sisters death and struggles to cope. Together his team and SG1 help him recover. Daniel and McKay start to become closer. Pairings: one-sided Sheppard/McKay, mentions of Daniel/Shar'e, McKay/Daniel. Warnings: depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, mentions of suicide attempt, loss of family member, child abuse and others.
1. Chapter 1

**Uncovering the Physicist**

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Stargate Atlantis or any of its characters or other property. I write only to entertain not never make profit from this work or any of my other works.

Pairings: one-sided Sheppard/McKay, mentions of Daniel/Shar'e, McKay/Daniel

Crossover: SG1/SGA

Warnings: male/male pairing, depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, mentions of suicide attempt, loss of family member, child abuse, plutonic team cuddling, plutonic male/male cuddling,

Note: AR1 = atlantis reconnaissance team 1, SG1 = Stargate team 1, SGC = Stargate command

START

Rodney felt time slow down. His senses seemed to sharpen. Elizabeths words seemed suddenly so much more important than usual.

"Car crash"

"No survivors"

Then time sped up again. "WHAT?" he directed with a harsh glare at Dr Weir.

Elizabeth gave him a sympathetic smile. "Why don't we sit?" she insisted meaningfully.

Rodney became aware the other staff around the gate room was staring at the pair. Never one to like the attention of others (unless he was being a genius), he took a deep breath and sat down. He ignored the red on his cheeks and complied.

"Rodney, the SGC made sure to investigate. Her passing was an accident. Your sister was driving home from work and slipped on the icy roads. She died on impact." Elizabeth explained to the key scientist and her friend.

McKay seemed to accept that with a thoughtful look on his face. Of course Elizabeth knew how important Jeannie was to him. She had seen first hand when his sister had been invited on base to assist them and heard when Jeannie had been kidnapped.

"What about her kid?" McKay asked, voice shaking more than he would ever admit.

"She is safe. Taking the news as well as any child thats lost their mother can, but she has her father." Elizabeth explained.

"I want to go to the funeral" announced Rodney.

Elizabeth nodded. "Of course. Time off was granted before you even asked. For your team too." she said kindly.

McKay nodded before leaving the office that felt much too small and suffocating for his comfort.

He was packing his things when he heard Sheppard. "I heard. Sorry for your loss." he said softly.

Rodney seemingly ignored the words. John wasn't offended. He could see that his best friend was still processing the loss. He could see the subtle anger under the surface of the mask. He understood all too well. "Are you coming to Earth with me?" Rodney asked seemingly casually. John nodded at the invitation. He would have come anyway but it was a sign of trust that Rodney wanted him there.

"The rest of us are coming too." he added.

Rodney nodded, smiling for a brief second.

The team stood outside the gate. Not to enter an alien world to explore but to help a team mate back on his home planet. The blue surface of the event horizon reflected the teams worry and Rodney's mask of indifference.

RMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJ

General Hammond was present to greet them as they reached Earth just a few seconds later. SG1 had also made an appearance. The General said a few formal words to the Atlantis team (AR1) that was honest, yet felt rehearsed. Then again, the General would have been used to meeting some very important people. Maybe it was second nature to him. It was the usual speech about how their discoveries had made improvements or opened up new research lines. He expressed how sorry he was for Rodney's sisters death on behalf of the SGC.

SG1 had looked happy to see them, though sad about the circumstances.

"I'm sorry about your sister" Tealc had spoken in his low formal tone.

Jack had merely sent him a sympathetic smile and clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry about your sister. Anything you need me to do?" Sam had asked looking concerned. Always the one wanting to take action, even if it was beyond her control.

Daniel frowned at the exchange. He could see Rodney desperately trying to keep his grief hidden. Daniel understood this all too well. He hadn't wanted to show others how devastated he was either when he lost his parents and his wife. The pain of losing a loved one was still so fresh for McKay. Less than an hour had passed. That took remarkable strength to hide. He did wonder where that strength came from. Rodney was looking more and more uncomfortable. Finally Daniel spoke up "Dr McKay, I was wondering if you would help me learn more about the wraith." he announced as if this a socially acceptable time to invite his friend around for a chat.

Rodney looked relieved. "Of course" he spoke arrogantly, the tone perfectly hiding his pain. However his eyes showed greatfullness.

Daniel took no notice of the tone. It was clear that it was an act meant to distract the others. Maybe not his team though, he seriously doubted they would be fooled. At least judging from the look Sheppard was giving Rodney or the concern on Teyla and Ronon's face. "To my office then while your team gets settled into their rooms?" he offered. He hoped he was doing the right thing...

RMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJ

Rodney had managed to leave the group of protective team mates. He had assured them that he would talk to them later. His pleading look to Sheppard had been enough to make the leader let him go with Daniel.

Daniel was pleased to see McKay looking more relaxed by now. "I won't ask how you are. I know enough about your team, to know you will share that later in private. I couldn't stand watching them keep reminding you of her. Its not easy." he said carefully. He made sure to look "busy". With the state of his office and the pile of translations still left to do, that was easy.

Rodney looked annoyed for a moment, then just looked defeated. "Yeah, thanks" he said quietly. The scientist look away determinedly, as if ignoring his pain would make it go away. As if the act of no one seeing his tears would negate them.

A silent McKay was always concerning. Daniel could see how overwhelmed he was. The mask could not hold it in. "Its okay. No one can walk in on us." he said softly, hoping to get the other to open up.

Surprisingly that was all it took. Soon the scientist was sobbing, his body shaking with the effort. Daniel carefully wrapped his arms around the other. He could feel the other trembling under his touch, the sounds of the sobs muffled by his shirt.

When there was no more tears left, McKay just looked exhausted. "Feeling better?" Daniel asked softly. He received a nod in reply. He took all the papers and books off a small lounge. "You should rest. No one should come looking for a while." he insisted.

Daniel watched as Rodney drifted asleep almost immediately. The other seemed so exhausted. How long had he been up before this? The only person that Daniel knew could stay up longer than him was Rodney. It was amazing in itself. The IOA would have labelled that a hazard if Rodney wasn't so damn good at his job! Quickly he called Sheppard and told him that everything was okay for the moment and McKay was sleeping.

A few hours later, he heard a soft knocking. Sheppard stood there looking intimidating yet protective. Whether the effect was intentional, that wasn't clear. John seemed to relax slightly at the sight of his sleeping friend. Daniel wasn't offended. He might have been slightly worried the man would hit him, not that he would tell anyone that. How many times had Jack been in the same position on his behalf?

"His okay. He needed time alone to process everything. He doesn't need reminding of his sisters passing." he said clearly, trying to sound less accusing that he actually felt. He himself felt a protective urge toward the scientist.

There was a moment of tense silence as they stared each other down...he could see that Sheppard picked up on the accusation. That Sheppard was angry that anyone would accuse him of hurting his friend, no brother in all but blood.

Of course John would see him a threat. The Atlantis teams were a close unit. They had spent the first year or so unsure if they would even see Earth again! They faced alien threats on alien worlds. It was only natural to bond, to become family and friend in the place of those only present in photos.

John smirked. Still dangerous looking but less tense. "Good. I was worried. At least you were there when he needed someone." he said evenly. It was an acceptance. For now there was nothing to worry about.

Daniel relaxed. He had been accepted, however briefly into the other mans family.

Rodney started to wake and John was right there. Any animosity between Daniel and Sheppard had been forgotten in an instant. It was like Daniel was not even in the room. "Sheppard?" came a confused voice, heavy with exhaustion.

John smiled back lazily "Yep." he said.

Rodney seemed confused before sighing in reluctant acceptance. "I was hoping it was all a dream." he said sadly.

John gave him a sad smile. "I wish I could say it was. You'll be alright. You got friends." he said confidently.

Rodney accepted this, much to Daniels surprise.

"Lets get you to your room. The teams waiting up. We saved you some food too!" John said casually.

Rodney smiled too at that.

Daniel decided to speak up. "If you need me again, just find me. I usually don't sleep anyway. If thats fine with Sheppard of course." he offered as unawkwardly as he could.

Both of the other males seemed to accept the statement before leaving the office.

RMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJ

That night two teams met to discuss what they would do. In their guest rooms, AR1 gathered on the bed, sitting close enough to feel the others body warmth. It felt like a private moment. A bonding moment that even the General would politely allow. The team needed each other. They had grown to rely and even love each other as only family could. Not that the Stargate teams didn't do the same, but it seemed they were merely one unit. Strong and formidable. Unbreakable.

Rodney was finding it hard to stay awake. He wasn't sure he wanted to sleep either. Would seeing his dead sisters face offer comfort or just more pain? He could no longer stay awake and distantly felt strong but gentle hands lay him down. He didn't want John to go!

Sheppard exchanged a worried look with the rest of the team as he allowed his brother in all but blood to settle in his lap. The contact seemed to calm Rodney again. He needed them, even reaching out in his sleep for Sheppard. Sheppard absently ran his hands the others hair. That seemed to help send Rodney off to sleep. The protectiveness was clear, even in this relaxed setting.

Teyla was first to speak. "What do we do, John?" she asked sadly. "He seems so..." she paused to find the right word "conflicted" she decided.

"Yeah. Nothing is ever easy with this one" he replied fondly.

Ronon just smiled sadly and calmly stroked the sleeping team mates arm. McKay just turned into the touch with a smile and a content sigh. "He needs us" Ronon said decisively, softly, so different from his usual brash nature others often saw.

This all of them agreed with.

In their own on base quarters SG1 was having their own meeting. Jack didn't know how to approach this problem. He knew what it was to lose family, yet McKay was notorious for pushing everyone away. He doubted many even knew that McKay even had a family!

Carter looked worried. "I wish I knew what to do. I know the man well enough but his just so complicated, you know?" she said concerned. "I also know under his harsh stubborn nature, his sensitive. How do we help someone who only wants to push us away?"

Jack frowned at this new information.

Daniel didn't look upset by this. Rather he look focussed, as if this was a new translation. "Should we be concerned?" he asked, successfully keeping his voice steady. He could see by the looks Jack and Tealc were giving him that they could see he was upset.

Sam looked uneasy. She looked almost guilty.

When she didn't speak up, Jack prompted her. "You gonna tell us what you know or what, Sam?" he asked impatiently.

She quickly looked up. "I took a look at his file. Not purposely invading his privacy, but as Atlantis's new leader, I wanted to know all I could about the members. In case of an emergency" she amended. "I found some troubling things, sir. He has had a history of depression since he was a teenager. After his estrangement from his sister, he..." she paused, struggling to continue.

Daniel seemed to realise her thoughts. "Tell me he didn't attempt suicide" he said carefully.

Sam looked up again, tears in her eyes. She nodded once.

Daniel swore softly. "What else?" he asked urgently. This was the answers for the puzzle that was Rodney and the information that could save him.

Sam collected her emotions. "For awhile he was alright. After some off world incidences, he ended up in the psychiatrists office again for the same thing. The psychiatrist said that he had scars on his arms, though he claimed that he had been injured repairing various systems. She didn't believe him and he didn't want to talk about it" she explained looking upset again.

"So what do we do? Sam, you worked with him for a year" Jack asked softly.

"Nothing we can do, unless he asks us for help. He has his team" Daniel said easily.

Sam frowned. "Do you have any ideas? I understand that you know him well enough" she said.

"He will seek me out if he needs me" Daniel said confidently.

RMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJ

Back in his office, Daniel was finding it difficult to concentrate. He had tried sleeping, but Sam's news has shaken him. Not that he hadn't thought the man was capable...he had predicted it! So he had set off to his office to work.

Of course, that had been even more difficult. Now he was frustrated too!

He barely even noticed anyone enter the office.

Rodney looked awful. He was obviously tired, yet looked wide awake. His usually difficult to read eyes clearly showed panic and sadness. He seemed to hover nervously.

Daniel eyes him concernedly and invited him to the small lounge again. McKay seemed to relax slightly and walked over, slightly shakily. Had he even eaten yet? He knew the scientist. had to eat often because of his medical condition. "Whats wrong?" he asked. He hoped for an answer more than he expected one.

For a moment, it looked like he was right.

"Can't sleep. Don't want to dream. Its my fault." came a quiet mutter.

Daniel frowned, taking the other male into his arms. "It not your fault. It was an accident" he said firmly.

"Its always an accident" McKay replied bitterly.

What was Rodney talking about now? "I believe this time it was an accident" Daniel replied softly.

"Not her. Me." muttered Rodney again.

Daniel frowned.

"My fault. Just another accident for me. He was right." he muttered again.

"Thats not true."Daniel affirmed.

"You don't get it. He will be angry." McKay said frustratedly.

"Who?"

"Dad" said McKay like the word was poison.

Daniel frowned as he connected the dots. "Will your father cause your accident?" he asked carefully.

The fear in the others eyes was all the answer he needed. Complicated McKay. "Your safe." he said softly. "No one can hurt you here. Your team wouldn't allow it. My team wouldn't either." he affirmed. "We will protect you from accidents" he promised.

He knew he would need to keep watch during the funeral. Presumably AR1 was already aware of the issue. He would make sure SG1 also kept close by. Separate the teams were a formidable force, together, no one would hurt him. The SGC were also providing security for the funeral. He doubted anyone would manage to get through.

"I know. Doesn't make it feel less real." Rodney said flatly.

Daniel understood that feeling well. "Your never going to forget, but you know you have a team willing to do anything to keep you safe. You really think Sheppard would let him hurt you and live?" he said in what others might consider too casual a tone. Yet assurances would be meaningless, pretending the threat wasn't real was dangerous and just pretending that everything would be okay was belittling the intelligent man in front of him. How many times had others spoken to him like this before with disastrous outcomes?

Rodney actually smiled. "Your right." he acknowledged.

Daniel looked worried again "Want to get some food? Might be some blue jello left." he offered, trying to sound pushy.

Rodney yawned. Still after some thought, he conceded.

The two seemed to walk in sync as they went to the mess hall. Food had been left out for those on the night shift starting or those finishing that had missed dinner. Coffee stood waiting.

At once the pair made their way to the coffee, both as eager as each other.

Soon the pair were looking relaxed and talking like old friends. Before long, both seemed tired again. Wearing matching grins, Daniel dropped off Rodney back to his room before going to his own.

AN: R and R as usual.


	2. Chapter 2

**Uncovering the Physicist**

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Stargate Atlantis or any of its characters or other property. I write only to entertain not never make profit from this work or any of my other works.

Pairings: Daniel/Shar'e, McKay/Daniel, Teyla/Sam

Crossover: SG1/SGA

Warnings: male/male pairing, depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, mentions of suicide attempt, loss of family member, child abuse (mainly McKay but also Daniel), plutonic team cuddling, plutonic male/male cuddling.

Note: AR1 = atlantis reconnaissance team 1, SG1 = Stargate team 1, SGC = Stargate command

 **AN:** Heavy cutting themes in this. Don't read if it a trigger. I have decided also that Teyla and Sam will become a pairing in later chapters.

START

The day has seemed to be going well. The team noticed Rodney seemed much more cheerful. He managed to keep himself busy either reading up on the research he had missed while in Atlantis (not that it could compare to his own research teams) or fixing things with the other computer techs. He hadn't told them of his late night adventure but it was clear that Daniel was involved. He too seemed much calmer than usual.

Of course their luck rarely held up that long...

As it grew nearer to night, Rodney seemed nervous and figity. John guessed that it may be nightmares, the pair often suffered nightmares. That was one reason that they shared a room. It was a comfort but both understood and could not be mad at the other for disturbed sleep. Of course Rodney barely slept anyway...

The team put on a movie, John secretly hoped that this would distract Rodney enough to sleep. Half way through, Rodney was asleep on his shoulder. It was only a matter of time when the rest of the team well fed from dinner and comforted by each others touch also drifted to sleep.

It was early morning when Rodney woke from his restless sleep breathing hard and sweating. His mind was still racing and unfocussed. He felt the urge to leave the room. He needed a change of scenery...he would explain later when the others woke. He found himself sitting in the mess hall, nursing a mug of coffee.

No one disturbed him, his reputation for the ability to rip apart anyone with only his words made him a target best avoided. Still some did not seem fear him. Like the female physicist coming toward him looking concerned. He offered her a weak smile. She only frowned. "You shouldn't be working up this late" she chided softly.

He shook his head. "Couldn't get back to sleep" he muttered. Unbidden the image of his sister appeared in his mind and the shuddered.

"Nightmares?" she asked probeingly...she seemed to have forgotten her lunch tray in favour of examining him.

McKay didn't answer but looked away. That was almost certainly a yes.

She had her fair experience with nightmares herself. She also had her fair share of helping her team deal with their own. Maybe a distraction would help? "Why don't you help me with something? I have been having some trouble with making some ancient technology work." she offered. Usually she would never ask the often arrogant scientist for help but he seemed to need it.

He seemed to brighten up. He sipped his coffee distractedly as she described the fascinating piece of technology SG1 had found while off world. Rodney forgot his worry as he listened with intent. A big difference from his usual one way hearing. Sam found she rather liked the more considerate Rodney.

After Sam had eaten, they made their way back to her lab. Rodney seemed to forget she was in the room as he observed the small disc. He pressed a button but like Sam, got no response. He finally decided to try activate it. "Might want to be careful Sam, I'm activating it" he warned before closing his eyes and focussing.

She watched him with awe as the disc slowly rose, hovering in front of him. A red light scanned him before switching to a green light. The disc then slowly hovering toward Sam. She instinctively flinched away, eyes focussed on the disc.

"Don't worry Sam, it won't scan you unless you want it too. Its a medical device. It scans the patient, thats the red light before using the green light to heal them." McKay explained. "It appears to work on surface wounds at least."

She watched the hovering disc with renewed fascination, though warily. Suddenly the disc returned to the desk with a soft thud.

"You can control it?" she asked curiously.

Rodney affirmed. "You need the gene apparently" he continued.

Sam smiled. "You said it healed you?" she prompted.

She didn't miss the way he immediately stiffened and stepped back. "Just a superficial cut from working on the Atlantis systems." he said casually.

She knew it was a lie but it would do no good to call him out on it yet. Was he cutting himself? She couldn't help worrying.

Still she found herself quite tired and Rodney looked exhausted! "Lets head to bed." she announced. She dropped him off at his room, satisfied he would sleep now.

RMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJ

The next morning Sam went to see if AR1 was in their quarters. She found Rodney sleeping peacefully with Teyla sitting peacefully by reading a book. She seemed restless. Instantly she looked up at Sam. "Samantha I believe?" she asked diplomatically, while assessing Sam with a steel eyes look.

Sam could see the protectiveness in Teyla's stance. Poised as if to strike. "Its just Sam around here. Only my mother calls me Samantha!" she replied easily.

Teyla nodded. "Sam. Rodney is asleep, you can see him later." she said calmly. Though the fierce protective tone was quite clear!

"I was looking for Sheppard." Sam replied carefully.

Teyla smiled kindly. Sam rather liked that. "He is running laps with Ronon and some of your men above ground." she said.

Sam gave her a small smile in return before rushing out.

RMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJ

Sam ran into John as he was coming in, looking sweaty but smiling. "Sheppard, can we talk?" she asked anxiously.

He seemed to pause, noticing straight away that the matter seemed urgent. "I'll meet you in 10 in your lab." he said, looking worried.

Sam was relieved to see John at exactly 10 minutes after. She allowed John to sit, locking the door of her lab behind them. John remained silent, looking as unaffected as ever to the outward eye.

"I wanted to talk to you about Rodney." she said, taking a calming breath.

"What happened?" John asked urgently, concern in his eyes now.

"Well I don't know for sure, I mean I never saw anything but I suspect." she rambled nervously. At Sheppard impatient grunt she continued. "I found him recovering from a nightmare so I thought I would distract him. He helped me with this Ancient healing device. He said it healed him. He said they were superficial cuts from working on the Atlantis systems but...well it was a lie. Even if it was a superficial cut, they would have healed by now. I think it was...more deliberate..." she paused, trying to find the kindest words.

"You think he was cutting himself." John finished for her, bluntly enough to shock her for a moment.

She watched as he looked away, looking pained. "I didn't mean to...I just thought you would want to know." she said firmly.

John nodded. "Thanks for letting me know. We have all suspected but...well you know Rodney. I'm sure it is what you suspect." he said looking thoughtful for a moment before his mask of friendly indifference returned.

RMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJ

Rodney again took comfort in his brothers and sister's embrace, despite not wanting to sleep. He was glad he could rely on his team. Still even they could not smother his urge. He tried to ignore the powerful urge, tried to sleep instead, tried to reason. Quietly he slipped away from their room. Maybe a walk would help?

RMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJ

Daniel frowned as he watched the other skittishly waiting by his office door. Something was wrong. Rodney looked guilty but frightened. "Come on in. You don't need an invitation, you know!" he exclaimed only slightly annoyed. Rodney seemed to be waiting for the invitation because he sat on the lounge without looking up once.

"Are you going to tell me what you've done, or should I guess?" Daniel asked firmly. He had already guessed but wanted Rodney to tell him.

Rodney looked unsure. He looked like he might turn tail and run but some other strange emotion won. He reached out his arms and pulled back the sleeves of his long sleeve shirt.

Daniel had to steel his emotions. He felt a fresh wave of worry at the still bleeding cuts littering the arms. He felt angry. How could Rodney do that to him? To all of them? They had already done so much for him! He mostly felt sad. What had made Rodney turn to this? Habit? Addiction? He realised all that must have played on his face, for Rodney was looking at him apprehensively.

He smiled softly at the hurting man. "I don't blame you or hate you. I am just...shocked. Its not easy to see some things." he excused softly.

That might have been the wrong thing to say for Rodney was pulling down the sleeves again (with a wince of pain he noted) and getting up. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'll just go." Rodney said quietly, sounding like he was about to cry.

Daniel felt anger at himself. "No, I'm okay. Stay and let me help you." he said, hoping to encourage the unsure scientist to return. He realised with a sigh of relief that it worked. He found a first aid kit he kept in the office and started to treat the cuts. The act seemed to calm both him and Rodney. "I suppose you have told Janet about this?" he questioned. He knew that members of his team had caught Rodney doing the very same thing.

At Rodney's silence, he sighed. "Well we must now" he decided.

Rodney stiffened.

Daniel couldn't help it. "Now young man, we must go to Janet. She can help you okay?" he found himself saying, treating the adult genius in front of him like a naughty child. He expected McKay to fight back or just out right refuse. It was in his nature to.

He didn't expect the quiet acceptance. In a way that was more frightening.

He could see how defeated the other felt. Rodney could barely look at him, his shoulders hunched as he stared at his shoes. "Look up will you?" he offered gently, drawing a hesitant look toward him. "Now you listen. I'm not punishing you. You didn't do anything wrong. But you need to realise that this won't help. This isn't the answer. I understand, really I do. I also understand why I need to seek help when I do the same. Your team needs your mind and your body. Your team needs you to watch their back. Your team needs you to save the day. I'm not trying to guilt you. I'm trying to make you see that you are wanted. That you have options. Are you understanding?" he said with conviction.

Rodney seemed to be processing the words, a confused look on his face. He seemed to come to an understanding.

Daniel took the other into his arms tightly. "You will understand one day. Maybe not today but one day. Lets see Janet and we can speak to your team tomorrow okay? Mine too if you like. They would be proud to help you. You really are a great friend." he said softly.

He felt the other relax in his grip.

He could feel his shirt getting wet from tears but chose not to comment. When McKay seemed calm again, he decided they should go.

In the infirmary, Janet was working away on some paperwork. She was instantly alert when she saw one of her most frequent patients enter. "Daniel, Is everything okay?" she asked concerned.

Daniel stepped back, dodging the woman. "I'm fine. Its Dr McKay that needs you." he explained before she could force him on a bed.

Janet gave him a searching look before turning to her patient. "Sit him on a bed. Lets take a look under those bandages." she said in a tone that said she would not tolerate an argument on the matter.

Daniel managed to coax the man clinging to him on to a bed but didn't stand away from him. Janet read the protective stance with a wary glance. Something had Daniel bothered but she would come to that later. She was pleased though. She had read enough of Dr McKay's file to know he needed someone. The pair had too much in common not to have bonded so well!

She still wondered...Why Daniel? Why not John Sheppard?

She waited for an answer from either of them. Daniel spoke up to her surprise and worry. "He came to me in confidence." he started warily. "He was in state and had cuts on his arms. He did it too himself" Daniel said, explaining far too formally than usual. Janet made a note to speak about the impact of what he had seen later. For now she merely nodded and unwrapped the bandages. She looked over the wounds with clinical detachment. She applied some antiseptic and rewrapped them again. The bandage work was impressive, where had Daniel learned that?

"It looks good. Should heal nicely but see me if it looks infected" she ordered.

Rodney who had yet to look up during the examination, turned to Daniel. Daniel placed his hand over Rodneys in a comforting way. "Of course" he replied.

"You should see the base psychiatrist some time. I can't force either of you but I may have too." she warned.

"I'd rather talk to my team, thanks anyway" Rodney finally spoke in a distant voice.

Janet softened. "I know. Thats why I'm giving you a chance before forcing you. I believe you will get more from talking with your team than from any professional on this base." She explained kindly.

She allowed them to leave, hoping she had made the right decision.

RMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJRMDJ

Back in Daniels office, Rodney was calmer. He was avoiding Daniels eye, perhaps hoping that his would be forgotten.

The silence was growing more stuffy by the minute. Finally Daniel spoke. "I won't ask why or make you promise not to." he said, letting the words sink in.

"I just want to let you know that its okay. That you can talk to people about it." Daniel said softly.

Rodney shook his head. "I would upset them. I upset you. I can't." he said brokenly.

Daniel felt his heart break at the tone. How could McKay believe that? "Your wrong." he said vehemently. "Your team already worry. You would put their mind to rest by telling them. I realise that I cannot force you too. I can offer you this." he said firmly.

Rodney looked up curiously but otherwise did not speak.

Daniel paused, trying to focus. "I want to tell you a story. I used to be like you. Well... still am...you never fully get over it. One time Jack found me. I was so worried he would tell others. I was worried that he would yell at me, maybe call me useless and kick me off the team. But he was understanding. He said that I could talk to him when I felt the urge, rather than actually cut."

Rodney was hanging onto his every word.

"I want to offer you something. If you need to, seek me or Jack. We want to help you. In place of your own team if you need a stepping stone of sorts." Daniel finished, voice thick with emotion.

Rodney was looked stunned, unaware of the tears in his eyes. Daniel could hardly resist! He pulled the other into a tight hug. Rodney settled against him, a smile on his face.

 **AN:** R AND R.


	3. Chapter 3

****Uncovering the Physicist****

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Stargate Atlantis or any of its characters or other property. I write only to entertain not never make profit from this work or any of my other works.

Pairings: Daniel/Shar'e, McKay/Daniel, Teyla/Sam

Crossover: SG1/SGA

Warnings: male/male pairing, depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, mentions of suicide attempt, loss of family member, child abuse (mainly McKay but also Daniel), platonic team cuddling, platonic male/male cuddling.

Note: AR1 = Atlantis reconnaissance team 1, SG1 = Stargate team 1, SGC = Stargate command

 **Start**

McKay woke feeling different, not really better but different. He still felt suicidal and the urge to make his pain go away but this time something was different. Was it hope? He felt like maybe Daniel had a point. He had his team and Daniel. Maybe even Sam.

Maybe he had other options.

It was such a small thought but he felt the huge impact.

He smiled a little at the thought.

He got ready for the day, purposely leaving his bandaged arm in view. It would be enough of a sign.

Sam found him in one of the labs, typing furiously. He looked almost normal...he even offered her a small smile when she entered. Nothing like his self assured ones but that was progress.

She allowed herself to feel hopeful. Maybe Rodney would be okay after all?

She kept him company for a while, bringing him coffee.

Rodney felt the urge to cut again. His distraction was helping, but not for much longer. He just couldn't forget his sister. Or her poor child. He couldn't forget the white hot pain of losing her. He couldn't forget how badly he had treated her, only recently making it up to her. Of course, his work kept him so busy that he had neglected to visit her since. Now? He couldn't visit her.

He focussed his thoughts away from that that track. He needed to calm down! He felt his heart thumping, excited from all the emotions.

He _really_ needed to calm down.

He focussed on emptying his mind, focussing on taking steady breathes. But the emotions cut too deep. His wound was too fresh. The knife wound of losing his sister was too painful.

Sam frowned, intuitively sensing his change in mood. She noted he was running his thumb over his wrists, almost compulsively. She acted on instinct, leaving to find Daniel.

Daniel POV

I follow Sam, struggling to keep up with her frantic uneven pace. She is really upset…

When I enter the lab, she hovers, unsure if she should enter or leave. But she decides to stay.

I focus on the one who needs me more, Rodney. His eyes are closed, focussing on something far away from here. His breathing is even and deep but forced. He runs a nail over his wrist, slowly and deliberately.

"Rodney? Its okay now. I'm here." I say softly.

He doesn't react. This is worse than I thought…

"Talk to me. Please?" I plead worriedly.

He seems to stir and his red rimmed eyes turn to me. "Hurts" he says, barely above a whisper.

I want to demand more answers but I hold my tongue. Give him time to think of the words.

Finally he speaks again. "She is gone. I didn't even tell her I was sorry. I should have visited her more often. I..." words fail him and he looks at me, looking completely lost.

"You didn't know. How could you? Besides, I'm sure she knew you were sorry. She was your sister." I say kindly.

He frowns like he doesn't completely believe me but accepts the statement all the same. I pull up the chair beside him. He accepts my presence, leaning into my touch as I pull him into a hug.

"Your okay. You have me now." I say softly.

Something in him breaks and he starts sobbing. His tears say what he has no words for. His sobs stop and he blinks tiredly. I can feel how tired his body is as he relaxes into me. "Come on sleepy head, try stay awake until we can get to my office, okay?" I say fondly.

DRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRDRRDRDR

He falls asleep almost immediately on the lounge in my office. Sam looks relieved.

"You handled that well" she says. She can't hide the way her voice shakes.

I smile and she relaxes more. "You did better by getting help." I say.

She shrugs like it was nothing. But even she can see that it was something. Something is bothering her. Finally she speaks up. "He wanted to harm himself, didn't he?" she asks nervously.

I nod. Its hard to accept but its the truth.

"Why?" she asks disbelievingly, without thinking.

"Probably a mix of guilt and to deal with emotional pain" I answer, perhaps too quickly.

While she can understand it at an intellectual level, I hope she never understands it like I do. Like Rodney does.

 **AN:** R and R. Longer chapters coming soon!


	4. Chapter 4

****Uncovering the Physicist****

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1 or Stargate Atlantis or any of its characters or other property. I write only to entertain not never make profit from this work or any of my other works.

Pairings: Daniel/Shar'e, McKay/Daniel, Teyla/Sam

Crossover: SG1/SGA

Warnings: male/male pairing, depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, mentions of suicide attempt, loss of family member, child abuse (mainly McKay but also Daniel), platonic team cuddling, platonic male/male cuddling.

Note: AR1 = Atlantis reconnaissance team 1, SG1 = Stargate team 1, SGC = Stargate command

 **Start**

 **Rodney POV:**

It was finally the day. Her funeral.

He dreaded having to actually say goodbye. To actually acknowledge her passing. To see the pity in the eyes of others who barely knew _his_ sister! Maybe he didn't own the patent on grief but it seemed false to him. To cry over someone you barely knew? To have the right to play pretend.

He pushed aside the anger. Even if it was just, how would it help him or his sister? How would it help _anyone_?

His logical mind forced him to be calm. He needed to be present. To be ready to say goodbye. Thankfully he was spared from speaking, her husband would do that. It was a job he was lucky to avoid. What would he say? _"Oh I haven't known you for so many years but I'm sure you were lovely and achieved a lot?"_

The weather looked stormy, perfect funeral weather. Seriously, were they in a movie or something?

He forced himself to take his place in the hard plastic chairs the church had set aside, his mind to grief ridden to complain or to berate her husbands choice to use a church of all places. To his sides sat his team and SG1. Many that he had met on base were there. It was kind of touching. All these people he had been nothing but mean to, and they still showed up to comfort him.

Around the small funeral area were the guards assigned to this event. They stood tall, bearing their guns menacingly and eyeing the surrounds. They would ensure no one ruined the ceremony. Still he felt a sense of impending doom. He knew his father. Their father. His disgusting 'father' would appear, no doubt.

He barely paid attention. The priest spoke but he was too focussed on recalling the last moments he had spent with her. How they had fought and quarrelled like children. What kind of brother was that?!

Still he knew that she saw past that. That she was truly valued, even if he could not say it. It gave him some comfort.

Well until screams broke his thoughts.

 **Daniel POV:**

I scan the direction I heard the scream from. There he is. There is no mistaking that this is Rodney's father. Rodney's sisters father.

His drunk, clearly, but looks determined. "Come out where ever you are?" he sing songs. "Are you a coward as well as useless son?" he asks mockingly. I glare, how dare he call his son useless? How dare he mock a genius that had saved both Earth and Pegasus more times than anyone could count?

My anger is distracting me from the real point. Its not about me.

Its about Rodney.

I look beside me to see the genius looking far more frightened than I have ever seen him. He seems to be panicking. He is struggling to draw breath, breathing far too quickly! Shit, a panic attack!

Instantly I attempt to comfort him. My attention is so focussed I jump when the sound of a bullet rings in the air. Acting on instinct, I grab him and throw us to the ground. I ignore my own rising panic. I keep him hold on him, rubbing his back comfortingly and saying comforting things. I must trust our teams to have our backs.

It seems an age, but he finally calms. He tunes out the background and seemed wholly focussed on my words. So I keep speaking, about anything. Anything to keep him grounded.

When we are disturbed again, its clear its all over. Janet and Carson look at us concerned. All I can do is flop back exhaustedly.

They are speaking but I can't focus. Now the adrenaline is wearing off…

 **Carson POV**

Me and Janet immediately seek out our favourite patients. Rodney seemed physically okay. Much to the quick thinking of Daniel. Daniel seems physically fine too. Though both don't respond to us, a quick cursory check shows everything to be okay. Probably exhaustion.

They both pass out not long after and we decide to bring them in anyway. If only for some forced rest.

Its another day until they wake but I am not concerned. Both need rest! It is beyond frustrating to see _both_ take such risks with their health!

Still, Rodney wakes without much fuss. A dropped tray makes him jump and cast a wary glance around. He looks like a frightened rabbit. "Rodney" I say quietly. He notices me and settles back into his bed. Though he is still tense. "Are you feeling better?" I ask kindly.

He nods.

Then Daniel follows, looking ready to take on someone. "Settle" I gently chide. "The bastard is dead. Jack took care of him. Rodney is just fine." I say softly. He gives me a half smile before looking around. Rodney seems to brighten up, moving to Daniels bed before I can tell him off.

Daniel relaxes. So does Rodney.

 **AN: R and R as usual. I'll be writing more soon. I'm not dead, just busy!**


End file.
